Felt kinda depressed a few hours ago, I have no idea why. (The bedroom door just opened twice for nothing, fuck. Getting abit scared now.. Midnight man.. :X) Okay. Anyway. Yeah. Idk why too. Must be overthinking again. Was reading some stuff, and I guess that got me thinking as well. When I start thinking, it usually ends up in a disaster. Lol. 'Cause I think ALOT, way way alot.
Dont know how to put into words suddenly, lol. Had so much to type earlier but when I dozed off for like 30min, by the time I woke, I forgot what I was gonna post. Lol.
Basically I was just thinking about everything - life, myself, and all the crap. Life's unfair, life's not a bed of roses, life's what you make out of it - And so on. Cliche, yes, but it's true. But most of us overcomed it, isn't it? Tough times don't last, tough people do. I always try to convince myself, lol. Things screw up on me all the time, never goes right and all. I always believe that things happen for a reason, no matter how stupid the reason is. Just gotta accept and let it be.
Life's not perfect, neither are we. I'm full of flaws, too.
I hate being nagged at. I don't sleep early unless I'm really tired. I'm a swearing machine. I use vulgar alot, like it's a normal thing, when I'm pissed. I show it when I'm pissed. I show it when I don't like a person. I don't like to hide things. I get fucked up when people lie to me. I say what I think. I'm blunt and straightforward. I'm rebellious. I'm a terrible procrastinator. I hadn't really studied for exams before. I lack motivation. I have no sense of urgency. I like to do things at my own pace. I am too sensitive. Feelings matter a shitload to me. I overthink. I'm not exactly optimistic. I am too gullible. I get affected by certain people's actions and words. I appear to most people as being too dont-care-ish. I recently realized I like to minium. I always trust the wrong people. And the list goes on and on.
I hate pampered people. I hate people who whine about minor things. I don't like it when people get others to do EVERYTHING for them when they obviously can do it themselves. I hate liars. I dont like people who say one thing and meant another.
Blahblah. Pampered people pisses me off, idk why. Like, there was once when someone complained to me that she cried and all. I was like, what happened? And she said that oh, she wanted to watch tv and her dad didnt allow, and she cried 'cause her dad raised his voice a little at her, and he hadn't before in 17years. When I heard I was totally speechless, only two words in mind: Fuck you. Lol.. Seriously. Prolly it's 'cause I've survived so many "storms" from them without crying. If you cry over minor things like that you'll never get far in life. Haha. If she's me she'll prolly be hardened, and not so darn pampered.
Whiners, yeah. Damn. If the rice is hard, don't eat it. Don't whine like the rice owed you or something, for fuck sake. Such minor small things too. Oh, and I really HATE it when people lie to me. #1 on my list. If you wanna lie, please lie better. Don't let me find out. I'll get damn fucked up. And if I realized you lie, well.. Idk what I'll do then, if you're not one of those whom I have a soft spot for. And as for people who say one thing and mean another, go fuck yourself. You wanna say one thing, you jolly well mean it. No point saying it without meaning it.
I'm one who will do anything and everything for those that I'm fond of. You need help, I'll go till the end to help you. You need something, I'll do anything I can. I can give up my things to help you. I just want them to be happy. When they are, I am too, kinda. I would sacrifice anything for them. Bad point: I wouldn't do the same for myself. Lol. Which is terrible.. There's always this saying that goes "Do things for yourself, do what makes you happy. Dont do it for others. Dont live for others". Can't do that though. Oh well. :( Fucked up bad point of mine.
Oh well. And I realized that those people whom I trust alot in, I usually ended up damn disappointed at times. Perhaps I expect too much - Expectations kill everything. So, time to get rid of expectations! I just wished that sometimes some people will appreciate more of what I do. Hate being disappointed.
Wasted one whole day yesterday, fuck it. Gonna sleep soon. I swear I'll do work tomorrow, god damn it. I promised myself I would do a little, ended up getting sian today and didn't do any shit. Fuck. Feel like minum-ing again. Lol. Too sian nowadays zzz. Anywaaay. Motivation, come to me pleaseeeeee.
Lol! Okay whatever. Kinda jumbled up now, my post. See. Just like my mind. Everything's messy and without order. Haha. Type so long and slow.. Now near 7 alr. Damn I'm sleepy, finally. Maybe I'll post more next time. Time to tidur. End off.
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