一切都是谎言。

Hello. It's been a long time since I posted. The above song is a song I heard when I was watching a show, and that song is nice. Cantonese.. I don't understand but tune is nice. Haha.


When was last time I posted, National Day? So much stuff happened after that. Close to end of August and Sept I think. Sigh. Don't even know how to say it or to start saying from where. Who would have thought that a game can make anyone fall out right? This is so silly and stupid.

But sometimes when someone don't treasure your friendship with them as much as you do, any small matter can make you guys fall out. Ironic how we know each other through a game yet we fall out also because of a game. I do treasure him. 4 years friend. He should be the only one who always know what I'm gonna say or when I'm upset. Little things I portray through which people don't really notice, he notice.

He notices everything. We used to be on the phone late into the night sometimes just doing our own stuff and not really talking. Comfortable silence. When we chat it's usually serious stuff. Family. Studies. Work. Some other serious topics. Especially family stuff, I don't tell that to anyone. He also tell me stuff about his family etc. He know abit too much about me and I think I know him alot stuff as well. You must be thinking, wow so close.

Yeah, precisely, so close, how did we fall out? I have no idea. Sometimes when two people's fate comes to an end, it has to end. I couldn't believe how he pick a fight with me about small little thing in the game. Like calling me arrogant for not replying fast, but I was really busy. Wouldn't listen to my explanations. I was really speechless.

In the game itself he hit me. I didn't retaliate. Not cos I'm scared but I do not want to hit someone whom I still care about. Of course he doesn't care. Happily hit and etc. I kept quiet. Then he started airing my dirty laundry in public to the game. I kept quiet. He say I was badmouthing him to his friends, I don't have the energy to argue, I kept quiet.

Deep down I feel sad. Why is he like that. Of course, why should I let him know I'm sad? He can't WAIT to make me upset. He'll laugh if he knows. I can only keep quiet. So shady about why things turn out this way, but I just kept quiet. Maybe he felt that me following instructions to hit a PS in a war (game) is wrong, but he is forgetting that so many other friends did the same. Maybe he felt that I was deliberately not replying when I was busy. Who knows. Too many misunderstandings. His character, he is as stubborn as me. Even if I explain, he will not listen.

Little things that happen in games weeks after, he just try to link it to me to "hurt" me. Mutual friends tried to mediate things between us but no use, which I expected anyway. Like i said, his stubborn character, why will he try to talk to me again after we fell out, right?

So what can I do? Nothing. This bugs me pretty much alot. But I just kept quiet.

Sigh. And work ytd I had to re-key some stuff cos system decide to make things all gone and didn't save after I do for so long on Friday. Even the system is joking with me.

Another friend, S, that I really really care about, was abit not right as well. He says work's busy. But my instinct never goes wrong. Who knows. Maybe HE is badmouthing me to S. S is a mutual friend of ours. I really care about S. Sigh. I don't know. This is much more upsetting tho.

好心没好报。你对人好不代表别人对你好。有些人对你好也只是他需要你帮忙，你从来也没有是被他当朋友过。不需要你把你踢开。从头也都是利用你。可笑的地方是，我从头就知道。我只是认为朋友之间不必计较。我关心他们也都是出于内心，我对他们好也是我的选择。也许这世上不是你对人好别人就会对你好吧。真的好累好累。。老虎不发威每当它是病猫。我应该缺乏一点人情味，也就不会被人踩。看着办吧。天天的折磨也只是最后改造了原本对人很好的人，等一天他们狠起来。。别怪他们，都是你们一手造成的。

Afternoon just spent close to two hours talking to Apple Support trying to get some stuff sorted and it's still not fixed, was so pekcek. And trying to find someone to work or go or buy ticket whatever with me on zoukout day2. Cos the lineup is my favourite. But couldn't find yet still.

And. My right side of jaws/teeth damn sore. I think wisdom tooth.. Damn it.

In conclusion nothing works out. Everything is shit. Give me a break, God. 活得好累.

SG50

Happy National Day!

Lotsa holidays. Friday was a special SG50 holiday given by government, yay! And Monday was in-lieu because today (Sunday) is National Day. Yay, more rest. Zichar for dinner on Friday, and went to the newly open CC for Sat's dinner. Was an annoying dinner really, Newly open I think too many people and they cook too little, I order chicken cutlet ok, not popcorn chicken. Nabehz. Later elaborate.

Watching NDP on tv earlier. I really like the jets. Haha. When they flew above, even my house here can see flying by. Abit overwhelmed. Oh, looking at parade make me miss band. Haha!

Life is same old, no change for the better or anything. Just here to post cos it's national day. :)

Life is fragile.

7th June 2015, Sunday.

As the title says it.

Just a flashback.

Well, before Sunday, few days ago, my Malaysia ah yi has called my mom and told us that my biaoge yewbao korkor has been admitted to hospital cos of dengue. Apparently, after he recovered, the fucking doctor actually told him it's okay for him to go Germany. And he went with a friend. Believe they had already booked it long ago.

When he was flying back, he already felt unwell. And went back hospital again after he travel back. That day he was okay. Next day he had breathing difficulties already. And then ICU. Etc. Was very serious :(  So, Sunday night. Mom received a very very bad news call. He, well, has... passed. :( My mom cried when she was telling us.

I was stunned, and kinda shocked. A wave of regrets suddenly overcome me, when I realized how long it has been since we went back Malaysia, how long we've been there to see him and his bros aka my cousins,  and my ah yi, yi zhang... etc. This is so sad.

Idk what to say man. It's so hard to put to words. Cant even be there for them, because all our passports expired and havent make, except for my mom. So she rushed back suddenly on Monday night. They have already cremated him the moment Sunday was... Yeah.

Idk how to put to words and idk how to express anything either. Just sad about it. He's too young for this, god. Why are you doing this to him. Life is so unfair.

Miss you yewbao korkor. RIP. We love you.

Does helpfulness even pays off at all?

Surprise, surprise. Yeah, I'm here again. Cousin housewarming yesterday (Yeah, last sat had another). So many housewarming these few weeks. Sore throat on Friday, it kinda subsided but these few days just purely coughing my lungs out that's all. I think whole kettle of water gonna be finish by me soon yet no impact. I'm coughing like mad. Feel like dying. Very xin ku.

But anyway. Have been thinking about something. Because some actions by a friend that make me kind of annoyed.

Isit true that the saying "All humans are self-centered" are reflected everywhere? Why can't people be more helpful? When friends ask me for help I usually help. RL friends are harder since everyone is busy in their own lives now, own studies own job own army stuff and such. Game friends virtual friends, yes I help. Be it finding things in game, or helping a friend to check through his assignment (sent through email) and I help him edit till midnight. Sure. No problem. Another ask me to help find things, etc, sure I find happily, no problem.

Even if people didn't ask me for help, seeing the way they response or talk, I can normally sense if something is wrong. I will ask. If I can help, sure I will. I don't need any fucking returns or anything. I'm helping because I want to.

Yet some people that I know, are so bloody selfish and self-centered that I really cannot bloody stand it. Come on, I'm helping you because I want to. I don't owe you anything at the end of the day, remember that. You don't have to behave as though it is a MUST to help you or whatsoever shit. I don't, I am doing it out of my own will. Remember that. It's okay if you don't appreciate but please don't fucking go overboard.

It's funny how people in this world are. I'm not making myself seem godly that I help others and such. I'm trying to say that being nice doesn't exactly pay off. Even after helping so much and everything, at the end of the day they only care for themselves. Getting pissed at me when I didn't wanna meet up cos I am sick, like now. Is that even reasonable? I don't need you to care for me cos I'm sick, just need you to understand. You don't. Only get angry that I don't wanna meet up. Insensitive you know?

And they pretend to help you. Offer you something and if you happen to seem to want to agree to the help, they suddenly change their mind and say that wow, they couldn't do this couldn't do that. I'm so tired, really. Can't the world be more simple? Isit that hard to make others happy by helping them? If I can why can't you?

So selfish. Think only about yourselves. Really, it's making me doubt myself whether I should help others in the first place, the way some people behave. Maybe I should also be all selfish and care only for myself, what others do does not affect me blahblah they can die for all I care blahblah.

But at the end of the day, I will not be able to do that. I know myself. I don't have to be like them, right. Putting others before myself actually kind of making me feel more better, seeing them happy is better. Since it's hard for me to be happy, why make everyone miserable, as well make others happy, right? :)

Moral. Others are mean to us doesn't mean we must be mean to others as well. We can go on making others happy no matter how they treat us. Easier said than done, but it's try-able.

Kindness.

Wow. Okay. I didn't expect to be posting here today. But something happened on thursday that made me really, really touched. Let's start from the beginning.

I was on course on thursday, together with a colleague, C. We were at ITE amk. For an external course. Ok it was pretty normal lunch at 12+ and at 1+ we were wandering around, went first level to one of the company's outlet. Before we enter, went toilet. (Here comes the part)

I left my wallet on top of the plastic roll where toilet roll was placed (wtf for I also dk, shouldn't have brought wallet along) AND I FREAKING WENT OUT. I didn't even know I left it there. Went to the outlet sat down chitchat to the staff there. Damn, I think more than 20min. Until we're supposed to return to the course then when I stood up in the outlet, I was like, "SHIT. I LEFT WALLET IN TOILET". I ran and shit as expected nothing is there. C said we should ask the security counter. Going towards the counter, my heart totally sank, I was thinking to myself, who the hell will return a wallet right.

There were IC, atm card, everything else and about 200+ dollars. I gave up hope alr tbh. The guard told us went to the second level's customer information counter. Went. And guess what.

When C said "She lost her wallet" and the two ladies behind the counter, one said "Pearlyn right? Someone returned it earlier" I was like, Oh. My. God. That feeling of relief is unexplanable ok. I was so, so, so relieved and amazed and happy. Signed the book (for taking back a lost&found) and rushed back to the course.

Throughout the whole course I kept thinking of it, curious who returned and how I can thank. After the course I went back to the second level's counter again. The lady there recognized me. So I asked her, isit possible if I know who returned my wallet.

She say no, they have already rewarded their students by giving them a card to redeem blahblah. As a token for appreciation for their act or something. I was like, oh, okay.

So a shout out to the girl (The lady said it's a business school student), thank you so much for returning my wallet. You're amazing. :)

Twenty-First.

So. It's been a while since I'm here posting, so much to say so much to think but nothing comes out. Reckoned I'll come here to post since this day is a slightly more-than-special day to me.

Yes, turned older again today. Just came back from the jewelry shop with mom. She insists that well, 21st should get a key. Yeah not sure why but it's a tradition I think. Chose a golden key with a golden chain. Veryyyy expensive, and mom paid for it. Few hundreds for a small little thing. And she paid. Aiyo.

Didn't really wanna have a much elaborated celebration (which most ppl have it for their 21st bday). But surprisingly, parents were the ones who mentioned about celebrating. So kinda agreed with it and they planned all. Hehe. Buffet. Woohoo. At cousin's house. Only invited relatives, I find it too hassle to have to invite friends. You know, having to check their schedule wait their reply and even have to think about who not to miss out etc. Too troublesome. And besides, if have a party need to dress up and act as a host. My god. Troublesome. So decided only relatives. Internal celebration. I can be myself too. No need to think so much.

EARLY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION + CAKE.

Had a buffet. Sushi and etc. Yumyummmmmmm. :D And the birthday cake was HUGE. And special. Special design done by chef :D Lots of macarons on top, condensed milk layer cake, and it's red velvet cake! Wooohoooo. Best :) Got lotsa angbaos too lol. And all are huge sums. And two of my cousins (they're brothers) amazingly both bought powerbanks for me without discussion. I think either they're mentally connected or I'm too addicted and everyone know. Hahaha. Thanks for all the angbaos and powerbanks. Love you guys, even though it was awkward to say out, I rather type lol. Once a lifetime de special celebration man.

Mahjong/Lahbi. Etc. (With me xtalling in between for a game event). Hahaha. Feels contented. They make me pick some numbers for lottery btw, jeez, 9269. First prize that Saturday night was 9569. Lol :( What a damn waste. Grr.

So took leave today (for fun). Planned to watch some show later. Dinner with family. Coming weekend might be getting a new phone, going for another buffet, and next month should be meeting up with peeps. Hehe.

So I'm officially one year older today. Getting old.. Sorry, I mean, getting more mature. Ahem.

Need to be more mature. Need to be more considerate. Need to think before doing things. Life is short, and I'm already at the most special portion for life, 21st. Well, when cutting cake on Sat, my wish was only five words. For me to know, for you to find out.

Till then! Post again another time. Getting lazy.

2015. So what's the difference?

It's been agessssssssssssssss since I posted here. Been so lazy. And I decided that I should do it now or I'll forget if I continue watching RM.

So, first post for 2015. It's been 11days since 2015. To tell the truth I couldn't see much difference in a new year. Things are pretty much the same.. Except that 2014 this time of the year I was pretty happy. Lol. 2014 would be a year that I should say, I will remember the most. It gives me the sweetest memories and also the most painful. Why? Don't tell you. Busybody. For me to know, for you to find out. Hehe.

2014 is a year where I felt genuinely happy. Hmmmm. The front part of the year I guess. ANYWAYS. 2015 is here. I have no resolutions except that I wish to be happy. Dear god, please make me happy. I'm still upset after the stuff pig said last year, long ago. Lol.

I was pretty glad I took a "gap year". Or rather. Except that idk how long this "gap" will be. Maybe I was never suited to study at all. Or maybe I am study material but I have never tried making an effort to. Whichever it is, I must say I would much prefer now, working. I rather get money, I rather have something routine-ish to do. I rather learn new things. Studying just burns brain cells and maybe I didn't have interest in it resulting in myself not making any effort. Or maybe simply because I suck in studies lol.

Btw this work isn't the same job as the last post I posted (It's so long ago). Not the bank one anymore. Haha. I wouldn't say I regret not studying. Fine, a degree is important, but does that ensure you entirely you will get a good job? Maybe to some extent. Maybe I'll continue after a "gap", but for now I just wanna learn more stuff. Puts you ahead of others :)

Work's fine, I get to learn stuff. Except that it's troublesome when there's a gathering, I have to take leave and such ): Other than that it's okay. Everyday seem to be the same, everyday it's repeating itself. Pretty mundane but at least there isn't anyyyyyyy exams.

Oh. And SW is pretty fun. But I gotta stop spending on stupid stuff like that. Used to be just KaW and now there's KaW and SW to spend on :/ SAVE MONEYYYYY. I save. But I should save more. Hehe.

I don't even know what to type, it's midnight now. I have so much to rant but I don't know who to rant to, I'll type it out elsewhere.

First post of 2015 here. And hopefully less laziness and more posts.